This blog is a supplement to previous blog “Chinese Love Life”. Check out more information at https://watchingthechinese.wordpress.com/2011/08/07/chinese-love-life/
Firstly, I really do wanna slap myself of being such an idiot: How could I possibly forget this very special ingredient of the “Love Life”—SEX!!
OK. As a well known fact that Chinese people are very conservative, so basically there’s no need to explain why Chinese are also VERY conservative when we come across “sex”. Even the last generation (ie. People born in 1970s) consider “SEX” forbidden before legal marriage. “Virgin” seemed to be much more important and glorious than being a good wife and a good mother. At that time, people didn’t talk about sex in public and (I guess its probable that) they might not even talk about sex with their partners. For some reason, society had considered sex was something everybody should be ashamed of. You could do it privately but you were not supposed to say it out loud, much less you should enjoy it. The direct consequence of this awkward way of considering sex as nothing but a “baby machine”, is that kids usually have absolutely NOOOOO idea where they come from…
When I was between 6 and 8, curiosity drove me to ask my dad this question which everybody else must had a same experience.
Me: “Daddy Daddy, where do babies come from?”
After staring at me for a very long time that it felt like a century, he finally said, emotionlessly: “Go away.”
(This is actually a very good example of the Social Awkward Code. Chinese often find a way to ignore or pretend to overlook a very awkward question/situation to avoid the embarrassment. I know I know, it’s ineffective and totally childish. But in our defense, we do it for our benefit: To erase the uncomfortable feelings which is eating us up during the ice cold silence… Hahaha, maybe a little bit exaggeration here, but doesn’t make it less true.)
But I might have told you so many times that things have changed a lot in the past decade. Youth now know pretty damn well about sex. In fact we know more about safe sex than our parents. When two people at their twenties, they both know they should be responsible for their behavior. So enjoy the pleasure brought by a spectacular sex or stay virgin (which is still the symbol of purity) are all available options. But the decision is very hard to made since moral standards is changing every time in everyone’s heart. Some couples may have sex after 3 or 5 dates, while others may keep away with it until one year later, or even after marriage.
But the truth is, there are “limitations” on sex even in my generation. For example, usually when good boy had sex with a good girl that means the boy should be responsible for the girl; we never talk about sex with our parents, in fact even if our parents ask “Are you still a virgin?” (which normally wont happen in chinese family, coz our parents automatically think we don’t have any sex life.) we nod our heads and assure them their baby daughter are still pure white as the wedding dress.
Well, as the next generation is getting more and more crazy. I bet they would come up with some brand new ideas about this topic. Maybe in their twenties they can be 100% honest with their parents and the society that they have sex and the sex feels pretty good. So, I say, lets see. Ha.